Ask Andre: Oral Sex Isn't Really Sex, Right? Here’s What Actually Matters

People say oral sex isn’t ‘real’ sex. Maybe you’ve heard it from a friend, a partner, or even a dating app bio. But here’s the thing: if you’re doing it, it’s sex. And if you’re not clear about what that means for you and your partner, you’re setting yourself up for confusion, hurt, or worse. It’s not about labels. It’s about respect, communication, and knowing where you both stand.

There’s a weird cultural habit of downplaying oral sex-like it’s a casual side dish compared to penetrative sex. Some people think it doesn’t count because there’s no penis-in-vagina action. Others use it as a way to avoid the emotional weight of ‘having sex.’ But the truth? It carries the same risks, the same emotional weight, and the same need for consent. You can get STIs from oral sex. You can feel used or pressured after it. You can build deep intimacy-or deep resentment-through it. It’s not less real because it doesn’t involve penetration. It’s just different.

Take a moment to think about your own boundaries. Have you ever said yes to something just because you thought it wasn’t ‘real’ sex? Maybe you thought, ‘It’s not cheating if we didn’t go all the way.’ Or ‘It’s not that big a deal.’ That’s where things get dangerous. Consent isn’t a checklist. It’s not ‘no means no.’ It’s ‘yes means yes’-and that yes has to be clear, enthusiastic, and ongoing. If you’re unsure, you’re not consenting. If you’re doing it to avoid an awkward conversation, you’re not respecting your partner.

There’s a reason why health organizations like the CDC and WHO treat oral sex as a sexual activity with real risks. Herpes, gonorrhea, chlamydia, HPV-all can be transmitted through oral contact. And while the risk isn’t always the same as vaginal or anal sex, it’s not zero. Many people assume they’re safe because they’re not using condoms. But dental dams, regular testing, and open talk about sexual history matter just as much here. You wouldn’t skip a condom during intercourse because you ‘don’t think it’s that serious.’ Don’t do it here either.

And then there’s the emotional side. People often assume oral sex is ‘easier’ or ‘less intimate.’ But that’s not true for everyone. For some, it’s the most vulnerable act they’ve ever done. For others, it’s a way to connect without the pressure of full intercourse. But if you treat it like a quick favor-something you do to ‘please’ someone without talking about what it means-you’re turning intimacy into performance. And that’s not sex. That’s transactional. And it doesn’t last.

One of the most common misunderstandings is that oral sex doesn’t require the same level of communication as other kinds of sex. That’s false. In fact, it often requires *more*. Because there’s less cultural scripting around it. There’s no ‘default’ way it’s supposed to go. You can’t assume your partner likes it the way you do. You can’t assume they even want it. And you certainly can’t assume they’re okay with it just because they didn’t say no. Ask. Listen. Check in. Repeat.

And yes, this applies even in long-term relationships. People change. Desires shift. What felt good last year might feel uncomfortable now. That’s normal. But if you don’t talk about it, you’ll drift into silence. And silence in sex? That’s where resentment grows.

Let’s be clear: calling oral sex ‘not real sex’ isn’t just inaccurate-it’s harmful. It’s used to excuse behavior, avoid accountability, and erase boundaries. It’s the same logic that once said ‘marital rape isn’t rape.’ It’s outdated, dangerous, and rooted in shame, not science.

There’s a growing number of people who are redefining what sex means. It’s not about the body parts involved. It’s about mutual pleasure, consent, and emotional presence. If you’re engaging in intimate acts that involve touch, arousal, or orgasm-whether it’s oral, manual, or otherwise-you’re having sex. And you deserve to talk about it like it matters.

Some people turn to escorts au for companionship, not because they’re looking for a shortcut, but because they’re seeking connection without the pressure of expectations. It’s not about the act itself-it’s about the context. And that’s what matters. Whether you’re with a partner, a stranger, or someone you met online, the rules don’t change: consent, communication, and care are non-negotiable.

Scort en paris might be a search term people use when they’re looking for something temporary, but it doesn’t change the fact that every human interaction-no matter how brief-needs to be grounded in respect. The same goes for escourts paris. Whether you’re in Sydney, Paris, or anywhere else, the human need for dignity in intimacy doesn’t change.

So what should you do next? Start by having one honest conversation. Not about what you’ve done or what you want to try. About how you feel about the things you’ve already done. Ask your partner: ‘Do you ever feel like we’re not on the same page about what counts as sex?’ Listen. Don’t defend. Don’t explain. Just listen. That’s where real intimacy begins.

Sex isn’t a category. It’s a shared experience. And if you’re going to share it, make sure you’re both truly there.